Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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