I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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