Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
