so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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