People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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