Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
