Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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