Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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