i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize