It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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