ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize