Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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