Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
