are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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