Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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