yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
