No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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