She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
