apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
