Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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