That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
