Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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