we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
