He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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