Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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