Will you blow on my dice?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I will pee on everything he values.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
