Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
