obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it glows. i had to have it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i've created a new STD.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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