I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
