hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
