Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
