i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize