Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
