Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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