Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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