guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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