So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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