That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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