I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize