Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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