hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I deserve this hangover.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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