Do you still have your period?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
soo... how was my night?
Randomize