you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
