Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
