Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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