Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
