Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
