i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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