Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
