Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
