I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
