I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize