First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
