dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
