I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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