I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
