my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize