Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize