we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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