I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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